Question. What do you get when you mix hare-brained consumers with a business market that is terrified of frivolous law suits? That’s right! STUPID WARNING LABELS! Here are a few of my favorites. 

  • Windex: Do not spray in eyes
  • Dremel Electric Rotary Tool: This product not intended for use as a dental drill
  • Dial Soap Directions: Use like regular soap
  • Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant: Use only on underarms (What about embarrasing forehead odor?)
  • Zantac 75: Do not take if allergic to zantac
  • Bic Lighter: Ignite lighter away from face (I actually knew a guy that lost half his moustache to a Bic)
  • Komatsu Floodlight: This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark
  • Mattress Warning: Do not attempt to swallow (The warning tag or the mattress?)
  • Auto-Shade Windshield Visor Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition (I love this one, cuz you know there are people out there who have actually tried this)
  • Hair Dryer Warning: Do not use while sleeping (Again, you probably know someone who has tried this)
  • Rowenta Iron Warning: Never iron clothes on the body (Okay, I actually tried this…I’ve still got the scar to prove it!)
  • Hershey’s Almond Bar Warning: May contain traces of nuts
  • 500 Piece Puzzle Instructions: Some assembly required
  • Bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside (No purchase necessary to those with X-ray vision)
  • Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness
  • Package of Fisherman’s Friend throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship (i.e. there is not a REAL fisherman’s friend inside!)
  • Toner cartridge for a laser printer: Do not eat toner
  • Heated seat cushionWarning: Do not use on eyes
  • Rat PoisonWarning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice (So that’s how that stuff works!)
  • Container of salt Warning: High in sodium

Proud to be an American!

*Warning: Staring at this blog all day may lead to posterior discomfort and lack of social life.

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