Question. What do you get when you mix hare-brained consumers with a business market that is terrified of frivolous law suits? That’s right! STUPID WARNING LABELS! Here are a few of my favorites.
Windex: Do not spray in eyes
- Dremel Electric Rotary Tool: This product not intended for use as a dental drill
- Dial Soap Directions: Use like regular soap
- Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant: Use only on underarms (What about embarrasing forehead odor?)
- Zantac 75: Do not take if allergic to zantac
- Bic Lighter: Ignite lighter away from face (I actually knew a guy that lost half his moustache to a Bic)
- Komatsu Floodlight: This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark
- Mattress Warning: Do not attempt to swallow (The warning tag or the mattress?)
- Auto-Shade Windshield Visor Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition (I love this one, cuz you know there are people out there who have actually tried this)
- Hair Dryer Warning: Do not use while sleeping (Again, you probably know someone who has tried this)
- Rowenta Iron Warning: Never iron clothes on the body (Okay, I actually tried this…I’ve still got the scar to prove it!)
- Hershey’s Almond Bar Warning: May contain traces of nuts
- 500 Piece Puzzle Instructions: Some assembly required
- Bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside (No purchase necessary to those with X-ray vision)
- Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness
- Package of Fisherman’s Friend throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship (i.e. there is not a REAL fisherman’s friend inside!)
- Toner cartridge for a laser printer: Do not eat toner
- Heated seat cushionWarning: Do not use on eyes
- Rat PoisonWarning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice (So that’s how that stuff works!)
- Container of salt Warning: High in sodium
Proud to be an American!
*Warning: Staring at this blog all day may lead to posterior discomfort and lack of social life.